identify and polish a final thesis from my first draft


needs to clearly state my claim and have 3 supporting statements

Kimberly Dailey
English Comp
April 5, 2019
Finalized Writing Draft
Amy Tan’s goal was to address how language is not only a tool of communication but
also a tool of measuring individual worth. It brought forth how other people can judge a person
speaking poor English differently. It also gave insight into the shame and lack of confidence to
children of immigrants who might feel uncomfortable with their poor English.
The first key point the author used to achieve her goal was how people in department
stores, banks and restaurants did not take her mother seriously, give good service, pretend to
understand or simply ignore her. Secondly, was the fact that, although her mother communicates
with “broken” English, she reads ​Forbes Report​ and novels. Third, language spoken in the
family plays a large role in shaping the language of a child. This made her acknowledge that
perhaps her family’s language had an effect on her own opportunities in life. Realizing the
limitations of her English, her mother also used to have her call people on the phone and pretend
she was her. She also talked about how, after scoring better on Math assessments than English,
she was steered away from writing.
I believe, like the article, my essay will have two audiences. The first will be immigrants
and their families who used or experienced the use of “broken” English and secondly people who
have preconceived ideas of people’s use of “broken” English. Some challenges I might have to
overcome is notions people have in regards to communication and intelligence and the ability of
others to gain the confidence to overcome their childhood use of language and succeed. I will
need to find a way to enable the reader to understand the message of the article in a better and
more straightforward manner.
My goal is to explain stylistic devices used by the author to express herself in the essay. I
agree with Amy Tan that there is no right type of English, and that English comes in various
forms and therefore there should be no prejudice. Tan suggests that many individuals are narrow
minded and have misconceived views of others regarding culture and language background.
Judging an individual on how one speaks English does not define who a person is. What matters
is what the individual means by the words they say. Considering this, I will use my essay to help
my audience develop an understanding of the importance of the author’s goal, which is to show
the challenges people raised by parents that speak “limited” English face.
The article sends a powerful message concerning language having to do with culture as
well as stereotypes. Amy Tan’s claim is about how individuals perceive others based on how
they speak. She speaks of life experiences she had to endure because of how she and her mother
spoke. It was crucial for Tan to explain how powerful language is in life. Amy explains how her
mother was stereotyped because of her English. Amy witnessed her own mother getting treated
unfairly since she spoke “broken” English. From her past experiences, Tan believed that
individuals perceived her mother tongue as less since she could not communicate in English as
well as they did.
Receiving feedback from an outside party gives you an objective evaluation of your
work, It’s often difficult for us to fairly assess our own writing but feedback helps you better
recognize your own strengths and weaknesses. If struggling, it can help you identify where you
need help to focus your attention. Quality feedback will point out what you’re doing well and
what you’re missing. It will also give you specific suggestions on how to improve some of your
weaker areas. You can use this feedback to make positive changes and major improvement in
your writing,
I feel that the revision strategy that would be the most effective in informing me while
writing would be peer evaluation. You can consider them as your “reader”. It’s good to know
what a real reader gets out of your writing. They serve as a real audience for your words and
ideas. You can ask for what kind of feedback you need by giving some direction. You can ask
the person why they have a certain opinion. Communicating openly with them helps clear up
their point of view. In that way, you can assess if you really need to fix your writing of if it’s
only a matter of personal opinion.
Tan, Amy.(2006) Mother Tongue

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