Personal/Goal statement help

Description

I am applying to a Ph.D program and they require a personal/Goal statement

I need help refining and making sure mine is flawless and shows that I am a good candidate for the program and not make it look like a cliche

Attached is a copy of my draft

Personal Statement
NAME
I am seeking admission to (University name) Ph.D program in education with a concentration
on health professions education because I want to further my career developing and
evaluating educational technologies for learning environments. My career goal is to become a
scholar and leader in the department of dental education at the college of dentistry and work
directing development on instructional technology projects in dental education. For the last
four years, my academic and professional experiences enabled me gain the skillset to refine
my career vision. Pursuing this program, moreover, will equip me to achieve these career
goals.
The reason behind my interest in education started during my undergraduate years at the
dental school. I have had the opportunity to train, teach and mentor across different outlets
within my undergraduate education. My interest grew after I started working at the dental
college as a teaching assistant. Joining (my employer) in (my country), I had the opportunity
to work as a clinical instructor both in capstone courses and in community outreach
programs. I, also, was involved in curriculum committees where I built communication tools
for the new curriculum directed to faculty members and students. While on the job I have
learned the basics of teaching, but I wanted to grow the skills I have acquired by pursuing an
advanced degree in the field of health professions education.
In 2016, I enrolled at (Masters program school), School of Medicine’s Masters of health
professions education program. I worked on several education projects including areas of
instructional design, curriculum development and leading change during curricular reform.
During the program, I came to the conclusion that a major gap within dental education in (my
country) is that dental educators in various disciplines of dentistry are primarily trained to
practice their abilities clinically. For them to teach efficiently, they require special training to
master a different set of knowledge and skills, which will prepare them to gain the qualities
of effective educators. As I near the completion of this program, I wanted to demonstrate the
experience I gained to address this gap which has been widened by the recent curricular
reform at (my employer)’s dental college. By collaborating with my department, I created a
framework for faculty members in the dental school that focuses on introducing the concepts
of Competency-based Curriculum, the proper use of assessment tools, Integration and
Learning situations. This initiative ignited my enthusiasm to contribute in the progress of
dental education and more specifically lead my institution’s transformation.
Earning a Ph.D in education with a concentration in health professions education will
strategically fulfill my aspiration for leadership and scholarship in dental education. I believe
the training experiences offered by The (University I am applying to) are a perfect fit for my
career goals. More particularly, examining and developing faculty development curriculums
related to competency-based curriculums. Joining the (University I am applying to) would be
a great opportunity to continue in this field and develop further skills in curriculum and
instruction studies.

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